


even when i am my true self

by Nightblaze



Category: Jagged Little Pill - Morissette & Ballard/Morissette/Cody
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Jo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23176732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightblaze/pseuds/Nightblaze
Summary: jo was expecting their mother to reject them. they didn't expect mj to be the one who comforted them afterwards.
Relationships: Jo & Mary Jane "MJ" Healy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	even when i am my true self

God, they were more stupid than they originally thought they were, Jo thought as they wandered down the dark street.

It was a Friday evening in November of sophomore year and it had genuinely been a wonderful day, at first. Jo’s mom was in a good mood, and they had gotten an 95% on their math test, and their mom bought them some ice cream as a treat. Most days their relationship was okay at best, but today just seemed different.

So it was a great day and Jo was feeling on top of the world, so they decided hey, maybe their mom wouldn’t hate them if they came out. Turns out, bad fucking choice!

Jo came up to her room at around eight, trying to play it chill, and hiding the nervous beat of their heart. Their mom set down their book and looked up expectantly, and then they let it spill.

“Jo,” their mother started with a strained look on her face. Jo’s stomach dropped. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, I do,” they insisted, hoping this was the extent of it.

“You know this isn’t what God wants for you, Joanne,” she continued without listening to Jo. “But He can help you heal. We can talk to Father Tim together on Sunday.”

“That’s not—”

“We will work through it together.”

“This isn’t like a sickness! It’s just who I am, and I need you to accept that!” Jo persisted as their mom moved to pick her book up. She froze and turned back, pointing a stern finger at them.

“Do not raise your voice at me, young lady.” Jo genuinely thought they were going to throw up.

“Mom, please, I can’t change, okay?” Jo tried in a quieter tone but the frustration remained. “I know what you believe, but—”

“Who was it that made you think you’re one of those gays, anyway? Was it Frankie? I knew that girl was trouble, with all those protests and shit—”

“Leave her out of it!” Jo shouted before their mom could antagonize Frankie any further.

Their mother stood up from her chair. “I did not raise you this way! You will treat me with respect and you will see Father Tim with me on Sunday!”

“Like hell I will!”

“Joanne!”

But Jo was already storming down the stairs, throwing on their shoes and zipping up their jacket. They slammed the door behind them on the way out and as they began to walk down the driveway, tears started to form in their eyes.

“Joanne!” their mother’s voice called from the front porch. Jo picked up the pace, ignoring her calls. “Get your ass back here right now! Joanne!”

They sniffled, held their tears back and soldiered on through the chilly and dark streets until, ten minutes later, they were sitting on a swing set and they couldn’t feel their fingers and finally, as a deluge of rain began to pour, the sobs burst forth from their throat.

They were so fucking dumb. They couldn’t have just kept their mouth shut, there were only a couple more years of high school, they should’ve just waited it out…

“Jo? Jo, is that you?” someone was calling to them from a minivan in the parking lot. A door opened and MJ Healy was speed-walking over, hood up against the rain and curled in on herself to shield herself from the cold. “Thank God. Your mother called and said you had run off somewhere, she sounded worried sick.”

For all Jo cared, she could stay that way. MJ’s expression changed from worry to confusion as they didn’t reply. “Come on, honey, let’s just go to my car, okay? You must be freezing.”

Jo held their hands up to the vents of the car as soon as they sat down. Their clothes were soaked and cold.

“I’m just going to text your mom that I picked you up, and then I’ll get you home.”

“I can’t go back there,” Jo said, voice scratchy from crying. They hugged themself tightly. “Not right now.” More tears threatened to spill and MJ must have seen it because her face softened.

“Okay. I’ll take you back to mine.”

The car drive was short but silent. Jo stared at the road in front of them and ignored MJ’s concerned glances and wondered what the hell they were going to tell her. Maybe, if they were lucky Frankie would be able to sweep them upstairs before MJ could ask questions. Frankie would know what to say, how to make them feel better, how to fix it all.

The Healy house was surprisingly dark as they pulled into the driveway. As they walked in the front door, they found that it was quiet, as well.

“Where’s Frankie?” Jo asked.

“She’s not home, honey. Nick took her to see some new movie.”

“Oh.”

“I’m going to find something for you to change into.”

A couple minutes later, Jo was sitting on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate, because of course MJ had made them hot chocolate and wearing some of Nick’s clothes - Frankie’s were always a little too small for them. MJ sat next to them and Jo’s stomach twisted itself into knots.

“I’m not going to force you to tell me what’s wrong,” MJ started, “I just need to know if you’re going to be staying here long-term. If you’re not safe at home…”

“No,” Jo gave a watery laugh. MJ visibly relaxed. “My mom wouldn’t hurt me. I just…” They started to cry again. “I screwed up. I told her something I shouldn’t have. She hates me now.”

“Jo, she doesn’t hate you. That woman was hysterical on the phone, you should’ve heard her,” MJ tried to convince them.

“You don’t get it. She hates who I am. She…” Jo buried their face in their hands. They didn’t know the last time when their mother said that she loved them. They didn’t know if they would ever hear it again. They hadn’t even dropped the nonbinary bomb and it was already falling apart. How could they be true to themself and make their mom happy, too? Earn her love?

“Aw, honey, come here,” MJ whispered and scooted closer. Maybe it was embarrassing to be fifteen and curl up to someone and cry in their arms, but God it was what Jo needed. MJ held them close and murmured comforts in their ear as they sobbed. It was terrifying, knowing that their own mother would never do this for them, would never actually care for them, only for her ideal version of them.

They relished this little moment and hoped that someday they would be loved again.

**Author's Note:**

> social distancing means i have way to much time to pump out fics
> 
> shoutout to the anonymous who requested this! 
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! hmu @mightymightytigers on tumblr!! i love to hear headcanons and fic prompts and just talk about jlp


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